When was the last time you explored an underground mall in Jackson Heights?

Inexcusable break from blog writing. Stemming only from how busy each day has become. Aside from work, half-marathon training, teacher training for Masala Bhangra and preparing for my first class, I'm also performing at a Fieldston School fundraiser at Pier 60 (approximately 800 people). Yikes. In preparation for this I have to get my sari altered. By this man:



His name is Abdul Majid and he is located of course in Jackson Heights (37th Ave, the Muslim section) in a basement mall filled with greenish fluorescent lighting next to a Bollywood movie/music store. People stared at me with the same blank, yet intense expression I got a lot in India. It is a mix of, "Why are you here?", "Are you going to buy something?", and "Are you going to exploit me, economically?"* I spent three nights in a hospital in Mumbai. I've paid my dues. I order meals by their real names, in Hindi, extra spicy. I am Indian. So naturally I walk around like I'm braided and bindi-ed. Like I'm Kareena Kapoor. When Majid finally hobbles down the stairs to meet our business, I could barely understand him through his raspy horse voice and thick accent. Somehow I managed though my limited Bengali and straight-up guessing. He actually asked my mother permission when I requested he lower my neck line half an inch.

When he offered a pretty low price of 30 dollars, there came a moment where I knew I was supposed to haggle down to 20. I knew all the lines, "Are you crazy?! I could get this down the street for 15!" But instead I just said, "Sure, sounds great." A moment that obliterated any shred of Indian street cred I've accrued. I transitioned from Kareena Kapoor to Jennifer Love Hewitt more awkwardly than a 1970's Bollywood scene change.

You think of someone whiter than Jennifer Love Hewitt.



*I stole this line from Van Wilder 2: The Rise of Taj. When the white preppy Camfordian threatens Kal Penn during a fence-off by saying, "I'm going to do to you what my ancestors did to your ancestors years ago." To which Penn replies, "You're going to exploit me economically?" Great line in an otherwise trite movie.