My husband, the gay pornographer.

My husband's name comes up a lot if you Google it. You have to search beyond the endless You Tube clips of Michael Jordan dunking on Patrick Ewing.



Beyond the impostors: a Southern Mississippi football player, an artist, an attorney, the famous producer, a wedding photographer, a Columbia University grants coordinator. There are 375 just like him according to the white pages in America alone.

Then we get to the real MJ. Maybe old records or articles of his Track times. Maybe an old review or sports commentary on the Phillies. A lot of commentary on the Phillies. A funny short story. A couple of acting headshots. All the innocent pastimes for a guy who has an eclectic background and likes to opine frequently.

And after reading one of his reviews on a film website, I put his name into the "search" for another. I was looking for some entertaining reading over dinner. His name did come up, in the Gay DVD section...

...under a movie called Rican Sizzle Gang Bang 2. A movie described by its various positions. I cannot rewrite the entire review by Mr. Powerbar, who REALLY liked the movie, but here are a few snippets:



"There are never any less than six men at once...We 'venture to that sizzling little island' to dig up some hot Latin men. Bobby Fox heads up this hot Latino cast of studs in action guaranteed to get you off. No talk, no plotline, just rough 'n tumble gang banging...starring Bobby Fox, Padro Rodriguez, Calvin Sabatini, Mark Starr, Andrew Wright, Joe Perez, Antonio Satana, and Michael Ewing..."




Wait, what? But...that's...my...

There was a clip.

I had to watch it.

Just in case.

The video clip took about 30 seconds to download. This was my thought process: There is no way, why am I even watching this...no absolutely not...but...no it's not possible, but perhaps...I mean I don't know...OF course I know, he would have said something...maybe. Or maybe not. Would it change anything? No, of course not. No, it was the past, there were hard times. We all have hard times. He was an actor. Oh my god he was an actor... He wouldn't have used his name. Unless maybe he didn't have a choice or didn't know. He doesn't even look Puerto Rican. Wait maybe they used spray tan. Would I recognize him? He won't have chest hair. If it's him, do I tell him I saw it? Why would he be in the sequel and not the first Rican Sizzle? I think he is better than sequels. Its not him, he wouldn't do a sequel...but... should I call him or tell him in person next weekend when he comes? What if it ruins the whole weekend? I'll wait until the airport. No, I can't keep this inside. I'll call him. We can handle this. I can handle this...

There was indeed a lot of spray tan. And a lot of penises. Eating a tossed salad (one of those moments where reality mocks motif), I had my first experience with gay porn. And I spent the entire time with my head against the screen trying to see if the skinny kid in the back was the closet-skeleton version of MJ. I can't make him out because his face is obscured by penis. It wasn't him. Of course. Of course not. See. I knew it. I was right, he is too white to ever pass for anything other than Irish American.



I would breathe a sign of relief, but I can't because I just saw a Gang Bang.