I am going to Hell.

I spent all night and all morning/day furiously cleaning my apartment. I rearranged my cabinets and my drawers. Tried on some clothing and cut off some sleeves. Spritzed and scrubbed and com-part-mental-ized. Emails...answered. Phone calls...answered. I even dusted off the old guitar and learned a new song, Yo La Tengo's Autumn Sweater. I can't believe all these years have gone by and I have never learned that song. D, C, Am, G.

I have a deadline.

So therefore I decided I must check out rental prices for apartments in Park Slope on Craig's list. I have to find a few albums to download. I have to put files in folders on my computer. I have to check out the weather for the new month...in San Fransisco. Back to Craig's list for more rental prices. Then MapQuest for road trip planning. Then a few grad schools I might apply to. Then plan dinner. I am compelled to cook swordfish steaks tonight so I have to look up at least 10 recipes and try to come up with my own version combining all of them. Then I have to check if swordfish are OK fish to eat. Wait, do I even eat fish? Now I feel guilty, so I have to write letters to my congressman about health care reform that sound like this:

"I want you to consider the ideals you once had when you were initially running for office. I understand the pressure of politics and 'the game' involved with getting things done, even if it through compromise etc etc. I'm asking you NOT to compromise. I am asking you, Mr. Maloney to take action with HR 3200 and make affordable health care a reality for Americans who voted for you based on ideals. We are all suffering from lack of health care. Why should today's youth have to make life choices based not on dreams and desire but on where they can find insurance? Please help facilitate this process and liberate people from another aspect in the cycle of economic oppression."

Rep. Maloney will NOT read this. Me and the majority of people writing this requests have NO IDEA what we are talking about. I am sure we all have a deadline we are avoiding.

Imported Swordfish are on the Eco-worst list according to the Environmental Defense Fund list. I don't know if my swordfish are American or not.

Shit.

Chilean Sea Bass, Grouper, Orange roughy (?), Rockfish trawl, Salmon farmed in the Atlantic Ocean, Shark, Tilefish from the Gulf of Mexico, Bigeye or Yellowfin, or Bluefin Tuna. Don't order these fish at restaurants or you will go to Eco-hell which is in Bolgia 3 of the Eighth Circle of Hell, saved for the treacherous. It used to be reserved for those who committed simony, but since simony has fallen out of fashion lately and the Inferno is trying to appeal more to today's green-conscious youth, it is now being rented at below-market value to those committing eco-sins. Your punishment: being stuck in eternal traffic on a highway filled with SUVs with no AC.

OK I am seriously procrastinating. Back to work. After I look up more stuff on the Inferno. Then marinate my swordfish.

Money Woes

In this time of economic struggle, I basically decided that I would never do something I really don't want to do for money. In that category I include both stripping and accounting. This philosophy, of course, is conducive to a life of poverty, which I like to think of as bohemian chic. Despite the romantic head scarves and worn-out sandals, the anxiety is sinking in. This is New York City: I walk out into the street, breathe in the car fumes, and sneeze out 20 bucks.

I am caught in traps- everyday I spend money on coffee or tea. Usually it is less but it can be 2 dollars a day thats 14 dollars a week that could be 62 dollars a week! A travel mug and homemade coffee would solve that. I have a whole container of coffee in my cupboard. Milk goes pretty far and I can always steal from Starbucks since I hate that company (for less ideological reasons than you can imagine). But I lost my travel mug. Do I buy a new one? They cost 15-20 bucks. Do I want to spend that? Am I procrastinating because making coffee takes time? OR do I just really love buying coffee? Am I trying to convince myself that I deserve the happiness in that moment when I get to decide whether to get French Vanilla or Hazelnut flavoring at Dunkin' Donuts? What a circus the parsimonious mind can be.

So, I am going to concentrate on things worth spending money on:

1. Exercise: I know running in the park is free, and my dance classes at Ailey are not cheap, but by god do they make me happy and reduce stress. The good part: a happier, healthier me is more productive. Bad part: I get hungrier and consume more food.

2. Macaroni and cheese from Pinch and S'mac. It is so damn good, I almost went back and paid more for it after I finished. This stands for more though; a category I like to call Food Difficult to Replicate at Home. Anyone who going out to a dinner and gets pasta or a salad is only cheating himself or herself. I can't recreate that S'mac and cheese. I can't replicate Grimadi's pizza or Ethiopian cuisine. So splurge on that and come over to my house for tacos or stir-fry.

3. "Extreme" beer. After a recent near death experience that included all-you-can-drink cheap sake and cheaper beer, I cannot advocate this more. Bohemian chic to me includes beers imported from Bohemia, or at east look like they are. Barley wines and good strong ale, make me happier, drunk faster, and I wake up feeling JUST DANDY!

4. Unlimited Metro Cards. Every time I put twenty dollars into the machine and then watch my money dwindle each time I take a ride, I have a near panic attack. I travel around the city all the time so I definitely get my money's worth. AND seeing just "Go" on the little screen instead of my shrinking balance fills me with serenity. Just go. It feels almost free, depending on how much I can alter my universe into a complete state of denial.

Oh Gaga!

"My music isn't me jerking my dick off all over a piano trying to feel something. I make soulless electronic pop."

Brilliant. This is why I want to ride your disco stick, Lady Gaga. Years ago Bowie, Freddie Mercury, and Madonna circa 1984 had a threesome and their love child was named Gaga. She emerged from a giant wedding cake....singing.

Merging art and commercial pop is not easy to do without putting forward an agenda or a message. But Warhol was hands down an artist and well I have no idea how Bowie was received back then and how people handled the androgynous glamor of Ziggy Stardust, a literal work of art. Lady Gaga does the same with her body and her performance. In an interview with Johnathan Ross she talked about her early burlesque performance art on the Lower East Side. She would light aerosol cans on fire, and go-go dance in a leather thong and an "Indian headress." This is the same girl who got EARLY ADMISSION to TISCH and dropped out. She wrote piano ballads at 14. Who wrote the lyric, "Cause I'm bluffin' with my muffin." Her devotion to making her life art is comparable to the devotion of pilgrims crawling across countries on their knees. She is naturally less hypocritical.

I seriously cannot think of anyone more talented making pop music. This includes Beck. I can't believe I just said that. Damnit, Radiohead too. I don't think people get it quite yet, but Ziggy wasn't born in a day right?

The worst part is the complete addiction to watching her. Which I get when I start watching Britney videos or Madonna or them together in the brilliant VMA Hollywood performance (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQ9QVHWWSy4). On the other hand, good art always gives me a little buzz, a calm high. I feel it in a museum when I walk into that room in the Met filled with El Greco. I get it when I hear Nessum Dorma. Anything Debussey. Watching Revelations. The two feelings combine when watching Gaga. Sugary guilty pleasure that is actually really, really good. I can't stop looking up this stuff. I bet she would just be a smash in Bollywood.

Speaking of which, I downloaded the soundtrack to Om Shanti Om. I suggest you all do the same.





Amadou et Miriam deserve their own post. And some research. I don't have time because I have to look up more Gaga stuff on you tube. For now enjoy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iju1_DhH2Qs&feature=related

Greater New York Weekend

Not your traditional 4th of July weekend. Shoutout to all my vegetarians out there. MJ and I made plans to go to Greenwich, Connecticut: land of milk and people who have done really well for themselves with hedge funds. This fourth had a little New-Years Sydrome- everyone wanted to do something cool and in turn there was nothing to do. But AH! I had solid plans and before I knew it, a full car of people ready to exchange their hot dogs and patriotic Old Navy shirts for Chardonnay and Shakespeare.

Shakespeare on the Sound (shakespeareonthesound.org) is an amazing free event put on every summer. Lauren, Jill, Jill's gentleman friend, MJ and I basically sat on blankets, drank A LOT of wine, snacked, and enjoyed the beautiful waterfront view all the while trying to focus on Shakespeare, which is hard after all that wine. The distant view of Long Island reminded my of John Irving's A Widow For One Year (read it damnit). Anyway, I had some critiques on the play, mostly I didn't like the costumes or the Puck, but overall it was just such a gorgeous night and I really recommend this as a day trip. I enjoyed it so much that I didn't even feel my usual New York propensity for snide remarks about the plethora of boat shoes. Afterwards we got some drinks with the cast where I met this white boy from Indiana whose job it is to do beats for Hip Hop recording artists. God Bless America.

Sunday was my first day back rollerskating. But before I get into the phenomenon that is the Central Park Dance Skaters Association, I also watched Federer win Wimbledon and beat poor, adorable Roddick who walked away with nothing but a serving plate. I started to cry a bit when he was giving his speech. I also made a WORLD CLASS omelette from basil, tomato, onion, and goat cheese. I actually want to make one for Andy Roddick as a gesture of kindness to say, "Here Sweetheart, an omelette for your woes." And then he would say, "Please, if you would, could you serve it to me on my Wimbledon plaque?" Then he would probably cry in it.

Anyway, if you ever want to observe the eccentricities of crazy New Yorkers from a safe distance behind a barrack, then come down and watch the rollerskaters one weekend afternoon. There are interesting outfits, people way old to look like they can move the way they do, AND the occasional businessman rollerblader with full helmet, knee pads, wrist guards, and plaid shirt. He usually looks scared. I went out on Sunday and despite my efforts to dissemble with sunglasses and approximately 8 years of age, I was recognized by a few of them. I had a good time and got my groove back to MJ circa Jackson 5. My MJ showed up to say hi in full running gear wearing Federer headband in homage. The headband and my rollerskates canceled each other out thus allowing a normal conversation to ensue. Check out the skaters: CPDSA.org

Blisters from skating, blisters from Bhangra dance class tonight. Having bad feet is good for the soul. :)

I wanted to share a little background information about the omelette, but after mild research I realize that may deserve its own post. However, there is a source that says it dates back to Ancient Persia. I guess that's a good enough tidbit for now. More to come...

Paradise City

There is something about working an office job that makes me cut loose in a wild way come the evening time. Last night was so gorgeous Jill and I had originally planned to ride to Astoria park and run around the track for a bit, but we were both itching for adventure and I wanted something to post about. So we biked down Vernon Blvd's bike path along the water, through Long Island City and an adorable little neighborhood I want to move to. Then 49th street to the Pulaski Bridge that connects Brooklyn and Queens and offers an AMAZING view of the city. Especially the Empire State Building which was lit red and white last night for Canada Day if anyone noticed. Then through lovely Greenpoint to the Williamsburg Bridge, which is a great ride! I like the tunnel aspect of it. Makes me feel like Batman.

We ended up at a bar called Johnson's on the Lower East Side, Essex and something (Rivington?) Anyway $2 PBR's and the strangest people to be found in a bar on a Wednesday night. A fashion designing pro inline skater, a hardcore MJ enthusiast, an old tubby man who severely looked like the Mad King George and was 49 but looked 65 and lived in Staten Island. Our next stop was Motor City, possibly my favorite bar on the Lower East Side. There are car seats as makeshift booze, every guy has long hair and every girl has tattoos. There is a nice homage to Detroit including a big ole Redwing banner above the bar. Worth the extra dollar for the PBRs. I can't believe I would ever want to go anywhere else.

I'm getting a tattoo.

On the ride back over the Queensboro, Radiohead came on my ipod and I had one of those moments when I realized how damn happy I was to be in NYC. Everything fit: my buzz, the view of the skyline, its reflection in the river, my best friend next to me riding a clangy cruiser we aptly named the Cadillac DeJill. Tonight my dinner cost me 70 bucks and that kind of pissed me off though and I rescinded my Gatsby-and-Garfunkle 59th St moment of bliss. That's the city.

Great artist I've been listening too: Richmond Fontaine. Download Thirteen Cities.

"Or does it explode?"

This is in response to my good friend Will's mini-rant that kind of berated or at least disparaged Harlem a wee bit. It is a gem in the city and I will put it out there that for the most part it is a safe place and is quickly loosing the reputation it had in the 80s/90s pre-Disneyfied New York.

Aside from visiting my friends, who are increasingly moving to Harlem as prices rise, here are some highlights:

1. Go to church at Abyssinian Baptist Church on a Sunday morning. (132 Odell Clark Pl., W. 138th St.). It is one of the most famous churches in the world. Definitely the most famous in African American history. If the preaching doesn't make you a believer, then the women's extravagant Sunday hats will. I actually haven't done this since I was really young. I should go back. I need some Gospel music in my life.


2. Have a cup of coffee at Cafe Addis (435 W 125 St). I would walk from Columbia to here to get coffee and it was ALWAYS worth it. The Cafe Africano is the best cup of coffee in Manhattan (Aside from Scott's House). It is actually a beautiful place to sit and do work or read. Usually empty. Bring headphones though because every once in a while it turns into the Ethiopian social club and those men talk loud!


3. Go shopping. Every borough (I never include Staten Island when I say this, not as insult just because it lacks something thematic with the others) has that one section where you can shop for real on a budget. You can't find this season's latest coach bag, but you can probably find the knockoff for 10 bucks on the corner. Brooklyn has downtown near Jay St. Queens has the lovely Steinway St. right by me. The Bronx has Fordham Rd, which is perhaps the mother of all these strips, you can buy anything for any price there. Manhattan has 125th St. I have never taken the time to count all the Jimmy Jazzs on this block, but let me know if you have. If you don't know what Jimmy Jazz is, perhaps this shopping experience isn't for you. Point is you can run up and down 125th, spend 100 dollars and walk away with a new wardrobe. I would suggest stores if I knew their names. Honestly a shopper's best bet is to just set aside a lot of time and meander around. By the way, the street mango is excellent.

4. Eat at Strictly Roots. ( 2058 Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Blvd.) A favorite of mine for a while now thanks to Joe, this vegan, cafeteria-style restaurant is probably one of the best places to eat in New York City. It is good quality healthy TASTY DELICIOUS food, for less than 10 bucks. Perfect quantities. The decor includes revolutionary propaganda, dreadlocks, chess games, hipsters, and probably me. I would eat there if I was a meat lover. It is that good. DO NOT skip out on dessert.

5. Audubon Terrace and the Hispanic Society of America. (Broadway b/w 155th and 156th st) This I think is one of the least known nooks of the city. I'm not even going to post a picture. Just go and see it. I did a project on it for a class on Hispanic New York. That is the only way I know about its existence. It is a museum dedicated to Spain? With some Latin America in it? Anyway the architecture is beautiful, there is an amazing old map downstairs for all your cartographers, and the library has the original Don Quixote (you can't actually touch it, I have tried, you only get to see a copy). Admission is free but it closes a lot so check ahead. It's one of those things you go to alone and bring a camera or a sketchbook.

So in Harlem there are all these great historical sights etc. there but I usually just enjoy it for being one of the busiest liveliest neighborhoods this country has to offer. Especially on 125th street where someone is always about to get hit by a car, or a bike, or a really fast pedestrian commuter. That is more dangerous than getting mugged or anything like that. If you want that kind of action, you are too far South. Walk North. Or take the train to Far Rockaway or East New York. Guaranteed gun shots. :)