I don’t like Vegas. I really don’t know why I was excited to get there. I was in the airport once and I didn’t like the slot machines and they didn’t have anything for me to eat, so I swore to never return. But there I was approaching the big bright lights of capitalism and greed topped with energy waste. We drove right past the strip in order to reach our destination: IN AND OUT BURGER. As a vegetarian it is questionable to why I love such a house of death, but there is something just so happy about it. Maybe it’s the hats or the yellow and red color scheme, but I love In and Out. I got fries and a special, secret menu item: a Neopolitan. Which is a milkshake of the three available flavors. Jill kicked my ass by ordering a Double Double with fries. Oh, it was good. But let us for a minute consider In and Out as a microcosm of Vegas. There are drunk people everywhere, frat guys with opened button downs and glossed-over eyes. Women with huge breasts and the smallest waists I have every seen. Teased hair and orange skin. The women actually drew their eyebrows on. As we were eating Jill and I just went back and forth saying, “Oh my god look at that person.” Skeved out, I swore, again, to never return.
The right to Laguna was only made interesting by the fact that when I stopped for gas the attendant told me to go inside and go into the men’s restroom. In the middle of the desert I assumed he wanted to kill me and sell me to the In and Out distributors. But he assured me it was ok. He said there was a waterfall urinal. He tried to reassure me by saying, “We are on You Tube. World famous.” So I went and he was right:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eel4bDXUByY
I don’t remember arriving in Laguna. I remember staying awake the whole ride just listening to Morrissey. Then being on Pacific Coast Highway 1. Then being asleep in a bed.
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